last week...

so i actually wrote this last week, but here it is...

confession: my church attendance has been pretty sketch this semester. sure, i've been gone some and worked some, but mostly, i've been a lazy bum. This past Sunday, though (12/13), i made it to the service and settled in with a few friends.

our pastor just started a new series called "The Wonder of it All." Sunday's title was "Don't Miss the Magic." Jeff talked about the Wise Men and i learned some things I didn't know before. In Matthew 2:2, the wise men are asking King Herod where the new King of the Jews is so that they can worship him. They say that they saw His star in the sky and they have been following it. The history is that the Magi had known that this star, this King, were coming for 600 years, since it had been foretold in Daniel 9. They had been watching all this time, and when they saw it, they jumped up and went to worship a foreign King who wasn't even theirs. They made a great sacrifice to cross a desert of robbers. It could have taken them anywhere from a couple of months to a couple of YEARS, people. Most importantly, they EXPECTED to worship...worship is an ACTION, not a feeling. It is a decision.

Also, they were prepared to worship...they had been watching for this to happen for 600 years, remember? They were WATCHING and WAITING and READY. After they left Herod, they continued to follow the star until it stopped where Jesus was located. Matt. 2:10 says they were totally stoked to see Jesus, that they fell down, and they offered expensive and precious gifts. SO...Jeff's point was that we should always be expecting to worship Christ in any situation...not just church. If Jesus says that whenever we have served the least of these, we have served Him, it clearly follows that acts of service to the hurting hearts and lives around us are acts of worship. Now, fast forward...

so we've been pretty busy at work here lately. close to max census, and we have a lot of high acuity (really sick) kids. 'tis the season...it's like this every year.

since it's been so busy, i worked five days last week and i'm working four this week...i am scheduled for this thurs/fri/saturday, but i had a lot of days off and no plans monday night, so i called about two o'clock monday morning to see if they needed help for monday night. my boss called me back about 7 am and said they could definitely use me, so they'd see me at 7 that evening. perfect. i jaunted off to bed and tucked myself into my warm covers to get some much-needed sleep.

i was running late for work (last minute Christmas decorations for outside), so i was one of the last ones to get there. i pulled my bag of pens and such out of my locker, clocked in, and turned around to look at the assignment sheet that held my fate for the evening. i quickly scanned the list, knowing that someone, somewhere in the unit, was waiting (probably anxiously) for my arrival. finally, i found my name.

my face fell a little. I had been assigned to two very busy, very chronic patients who have both been in our unit for a while. Both of them can get very agitated and be difficult to calm and have very involved nursing care needs. My report took a good 15 or 20 minutes. One of the boys had been good all day, requiring nothing other than his scheduled meds. The other had a pretty rough day, and his mom had been around for most of it. Like so many mothers, she has taken her son's illness very hard, and the months and months of uncertainty are wearing on her. My heart went out to her as I listened to the day shift nurse weave her tale. I knew I was equal to the task of competently caring for my patients, but I was also anticipating lots of running, lots of medications, and probably some frustration second to the inconsolability of my two little charges.

the day shift nurse finally made her escape, wishing me a good night. i organized my charts just the way i like them, cleaned up my desk area, and signed in to the hospital's computer charting system. i noted all of the medications i would need to give, treatments to be administered, feedings, and anything else pertinent to my patients' care on my notes. i peeked into each of the kids' rooms to check on them and jotted down some quick vital signs as i verified that the settings on all of their monitors and machines were correct. both babies were sleeping, so i sat back down to set up my game plan for the night, all the while thinking (a bit self-righteously), "this is going to be a rough night, just get ready...but hey, it's only 12 hours, you can do anything for 12 hours!"

and then i stopped. i remembered that sermon on Sunday. in serving these little kids...in taking care of them, the least of these...the sick ones...in serving them, i would be serving Christ. worshiping Him. and since when has service ever been easy, i ask you? it wouldn't be worship if sacrifice weren't involved. so, sitting there at my little desk, paperwork scattered about...i dropped my head, covered my face, and began to pray like i have never prayed at work.

"Abba, be here tonight. Give me unending patience with these little ones, no matter how upset or inconsolable they are. Fill my mind with your spirit and your compassion for these precious creations of yours. Make my hands and my words gentle, and keep me ever conscious of my actions around them. This little one here, Lord...be with this one's mama. She's so lonely, and she's having such a hard time. Give her courage, Lord, and wrap your arms around her spirit and cover her with your love and peace. Bring comfort to her baby tonight so that he can rest peacefully and not struggle so much. That one over there, Lord...place your hands of peace on him and let him rest. Keep his little spirit calm, and let him respond to me and feel safe with me. His mom is so good with him, Lord...keep her spirits up, because I know this long stay is so hard on her. Bless her for her patience and faithfulness in coming and caring for him. He responds so well to her; is calmer with her than with any of the nurses. Lay your hands over this place, tonight. Make your presence near. I love you. Amen."

And I lifted my head and opened my eyes. What followed was one of the greatest examples I have seen of calling on Jesus and Him answering immediately and in a specific manner.

The rest of the night, one of my little ones was so agitated, no matter what I did or what meds I gave him. He was just having a rough time. Through it all, I stayed calm, talking to him and patting him to help him calm. My other little patient slept well for much of the night, and if he got upset, he was easily calmed and his oxygen status was doing really well. But through everything, I was conscious of being the hands and feet of Christ. I was aware of all of my actions. i can't even explain it...but it was amazing. I felt the attitude of Christ dwelling in me. What wonder and amazement, that he would use someone like me to be a vessel of His love. amazing grace, how sweet the sound...it's true.

so good.